I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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