Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have feelings that need drinking.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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