Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
