she looked like the bat from fern gully.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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