she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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