Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
