He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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