man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
