Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
