Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
