Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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