The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
