I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
