brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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