yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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