At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
