I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
