I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
