Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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