first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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