i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
