He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
