If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
