so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This is my gift to your gina
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
