Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
