so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
