the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
