So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
