hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
