dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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