I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
