think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
