take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
