his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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