I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
