just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
