At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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