I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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