If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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