dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
