afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
