Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
