they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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