I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am naked and annoyed.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
