DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
