This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
