You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
