he shaved USA in his pubs
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
