I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
