dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
