I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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